Monthly Update: October 2021

 Some quick updates:

• The SFM 3d animation is in the clip and audio editing process. I’m working to see if I can have it published by the end of this weekend. (That thing’s been in the pot for way too long.)

• Got a new toy I’ve been experimenting with, a part of which will assist me with model poses and perspectives.

• Thinking about changing the painting style for some of the comics (similar style to my recent doodles but with mild coloring and shading) for fun and to see how it looks. I think some horror scenes could look better in it.

• Got a couple of new short comic story ideas.

• Writing “the big comic story” is still in progress.

This month went by way too quickly.

A gossip/rant:

   I got mildly attacked from a potentially habitual comment in Newgrounds recently (currently the rudest community I’ve experienced along with Hentai-Foundry where I no longer post) for the differences of priorities (him more focused on animation quality and realism, mine is sharing ideas and directing imaginations of what doesn’t exist in the physical reality) while his choices of words being quite unnecessarily cruel and immature (even though I categorized my works as matured/adults-only) without any direction that it drives towards nor motivating.

   I told him being solely rude doesn’t help productivity. But he said I’d have made better animations if I didn’t “whine” and just knew how to take destructive criticism.
  That didn’t sit right with me because it sounded like a metaphor for how well I should take being raped and robbed. And he ended it by almost wishing me to get hurt if I tried to talk to him further.

   I was offended and alerted at first.
  But I realized his criticisms are almost entirely hypocritical that sound worse on himself than me (if he’s even done anything about it to be applicable at all). Even the way he ended it was him walling himself off by boobytrapping a way to connect with him.
  And he acknowledged his faults, albeit defensively, which indicated to me that he already knows how he is and he’s not fond of it either.
  So I started wondering if someone told the things he told me to him, maybe to himself, and perhaps he is ranting his insecurities on other challengeable people who are engaged in the subject of his passion because otherwise, he’d just feel rather useless in the ocean of talents, essentially a drowning man pulling down others who can swim to see if that helps him stay afloat.

   I pitied him for the environmental factors that made him that way. But also worried about what kind of influence he’d be to the newer artists still learning their traits, especially with the subject of love and sex. So I told him to be kind, perhaps to himself, for the world deserves passion and diversity such as of his own, and the destruction by mere words upon what he may make would be (and seemingly is) such an unnecessary loss as the same goes for everyone he influences.

   Haven’t gotten a reply from him since. Maybe this is a moved-on thing already or maybe he’s processing, either to recite what he’s been practicing on a mirror or to change what he practices. I hope it wasn’t a waste of effort on both of us. But I figured a chance of growing empathy and learning how to treat love with love (especially because I’m handling a lot of sexual content) is quite a bit more important than learning how to make a better animation.

   My friends think I handled that pretty well. But I still can’t help but ponder with concern, aren’t there so many others like that characteristic of him, the victims of their environments to make more victims, emotional parasites growing like cancer, and I’m exposing myself to their meat grinder that is the internet?
  I get 10 compliments but 1 offensive comment still can be a huge weight on my mind like it does to many people. What other possible emotional cruelty should I be prepared for? (At that point, it becomes paranoia and my own voices just arguing with myself) And how am I going to handle that from millions of people all over the world?

   Then a side of my brain with a sense of drama and blood-clenched teeth says,

   “One person at a time.”

   “And with millions more of us.”

  (‘And why does my brain has teeth? And who’s blood is that?’)